Star Warz: The Big Dope
by Emkay624
Summary: Luke Skywalker meets some teens and they must fight the Emperor. Pretty funny. Also involves Twinkies and such.
1. The Big Dope

Main Characters:  
Gina: 14-year-old girl living with the other fools of this planet. She is the primary main character. Gina is strong, smart, determined, bossy and tomboyish. She can fight with or without weapons. Her main weapons of choice are the blue light saber she made herself and her TK ability. (For those of you who don't know what TK is, it is the ability to move things with ones mind.) Portrayed by: Me  
  
Kile: (pronounced KILEE) 14-year-old guy with a sunny disposition. He is the sets comedian, but not the comic relief. Kile (aka K) is some what smart, very cute, and a weapons expert. He fights primarily with a tied dyed green light saber, but also uses just run of the mill swords. His special talents include using big words and telepathic skills (he can read and send thoughts to people). Portrayed by: Martin (best friend)  
  
Msty: (pronounced Misty) Yet another 14-year-old girl who probably is with the wrong crowd. The other people of this oddball group all enjoy fighting, while Msty is a pacifist. Her feisty temper and her unbelievably sharp tongue are what save her life from dangers unknown to you. (But I know what happens to them.) She too is blessed with TK. However, she usually uses her skill to pull Gina off of some poor ignorant fool. Portrayed by: Marie (best friend)  
  
Boy: Although he is the same age as everyone else, Boy is a moron. He is actually very intelligent, but he is nothing more than a teenage boy. This makes him a weak fighter and Gina or Msty usually saves him. He is the group's mathematician. The only reason Boy is still alive is because he can easily confuse people and himself. Despite the obvious pitfalls of such a friend, our heroes do care deeply for him. Portrayed by: Michael (best friend)  
  
Stone: OK; Real Name: Steven Age: 14 Hobbies: crushing things with his bare hands. The strongest one of the group, he chooses to fight with no weapons. He scares everyone including his friends. "The Wrath of Stone" may be referred to as a punishment in this FanFic. Portrayed by: Andrew (best friend)  
  
Aaron: He is the FanFic. Director. He makes sure that every whim of the writer (me) is followed. Aaron will appear time-to-time putting in his say to make sure this Crusade is carried out. Means well, but because of life's special rights, something is always against him. Portrayed by: Eric (best friend)  
  
  
Disclaimer: Everything that is SW related (including Vader, Luke, the Emperor, etc.)  
Belongs to George Lucas and/or Lucasfilm Ltd. The characters Gina, Kile, Msty, Boy, Stone, and Aaron all belong tome. No I am not making money for this, but they are my ideas. However, since I based these characters on my best friends, I belong to them as well.  
  
Authors note to reader: These 5 people (Gina....) are NOT Jedi. They should be but they value their lives and so they hide. Luke finds them. This takes place between 4 and 5 . Luke is on vacation. That is a really short summary of the story. Though money is mentioned time and again, no one is being paid. There is no money involved. Also, I make mention that these people have outside lives. They don't. Enjoy! Key: Spoken words //Thoughts// (Actions or Settings) This story is written as a play. Begin rolling credits now Aaron! NOW!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(This story begins on a small sparsely populated, and densely forested planet. We begin w/ 5 of our 6 heroes sitting around meditating. Except Boy; he is reading a comic book.)  
Boy: Fools; sitting around thinking about nothing. Forget ya'll!  
Gina: You're right for once Boy! Screw this meditation junk. Who wants to have a sparring fight with me?  
Msty: Always the violent type aren't we?  
Stone: W/ or w/out weapons?  
Gina: W/!! (pulls out and activates light saber) En Garde!!  
Kile: //You guys are screwing up my thinking time!!! // ARHG!!! You started this, Gina! I will do great physical harm to you for this! (the two begin a sweet fight scene complete with flips and other really cool things when all of a sudden...)  
Msty: Adult parental unit type thingy coming!  
Boy: (through British accent) Weapons away!! (they all rush and hide the light sabers and sit down like at the beginning of the story{but Boy's book is upside down} when who else but Luke Skywalker comes out from the dense surrounding foliage)  
Luke: Umm....what was all that screaming about?  
Kile: (screaming) SCREAMING!?!?! WHAT SCREAMING??!?!?!(the group behind him stifles a laugh)   
Luke: (looking more like a Jedi Knight every second) I heard something about weapons. (appearing suddenly deflated) And why is his comic book upside down???   
Gina: Boy!! (smacking Boy w/ his own book) Just had to give it away w/ the book & weapons thingy!! Fool!!  
Boy: I'm s-sorry. Please don't maim me Gina! I swear if some strange man walks up I won't say anything about the light sabers you're not supposed to have!!  
Luke: (under breath) Incompetent adolescent morons. (then almost yelling) What?! Light sabers?!  
Stone: (upon hearing the insult) Perhaps you should leave before I must do bodily harm to you.  
Gina: //Kile, tell Stone who this is.//  
Kile: //What is it?//  
Gina: //It's Luke Skywalker! Jedi Master. Not even Stoney could beat him!!//  
Kile: (to Stone) //Steven! Luke Skywalker!! Dangerous. Do not tempt fate! This guy could kill you twice before you even notice!//  
Stone: (alarmed; bows head) I withdraw my offer to fight you.  
Luke: (using Jedi senses to hear all of this) HA HA!! (serious) Now tell me what was going on.  
Msty: These ruffians were participating in a sparring of light sabers. I held no part in that. (a guy w/ 'director' written on his shirt w/ marker appears)   
Aaron: Neither did I. I was just following the script. (scans papers in hands) Ah yes here it is.  
Gina: (to Aaron and falling out of the character of Gina) Be gone w/ thee, thingy of mediocrism! As writer/star of the script I will not allow you to be here.  
Aaron: Fine; I'll leave. May the Force be with you!! (disappears)  
Gina: Now Master Skywalker, can we get you anything? Some tea? Some crumpets? Some chocolate biscuits?  
Luke: Umm...No thanks. Chocolate biscuits?  
Gina: (cutting him off) Good. We don't have any of that. Being unemployed orphans has its pitfalls.  
Luke: That explains why you live in a twig hut then doesn't it?  
Msty: I believe that all things should live in harmony with nature. (looks down at foot and sees a small rodent type creature crawling across it) OH MY GOD!!!! Get it OFFF!! (she starts jumping around to get it off when the creature starts attacking) KILL IT NOW!!! I WANT IT DEAD!!!  
Stone: Screw that harmony with nature deal. We ain't got no money. And Boy here (points finger) is scared of anything that he cannot talk to and get a response. (Boy smiles innocently)  
(At this point Gina walks over to the screeching Msty and uses her TK to move the rat-like thing into the next time zone. Helping Msty up)  
Gina: Why didn't you just move it off of you, Miss Nature Girl?  
Msty: Gina, it was a full 6 in. long. It was a monster and it tried to eat me!  
Gina: Whatever. Well, shall we retire boys and girls?   
Kile: But we don't got no jobs; 'cept for him! (points at Luke)  
Gina: (to Kile) //DOPE! //  
Kile: Hey!  
Boy: Who's gonna strap me into bed and read me my story tonight?  
Stone: I did it last night. I think it's Gina's turn!  
Gina: Not tonight. AAARRROONNNN!!!!! (Aaron appears)   
Aaron: Sup?  
Gina: It is your turn for Boy duty. This is your punishment for appearing when not beckoned. Now GO!  
Aaron: Ok. (to Boy) Go pick out a straight jacket and a story. I'll get you for this Gina.  
Boy: WOOO HOO!! (runs off)  
Luke: Gina, why is he called Boy? And why do you have light sabers? Are you or have you ever been trained as Jedi? Plus did you really write the script? I need answers.  
Gina: 1) When the others and I first met him, he couldn't remember his name. B) One day Boy found a light saber and asked me what it was. I told him the truth. I also drew up some schematics for light sabers using it as a design. Then I left Boy to do his whim with the weapon. He threw it in the lake. (that was good since no one trusts him with weapons) But Kile and I had already begun making ours. You have to watch him otherwise he will throw yours in the lake too. 5)We have never had exposure to training b/c our parents knew what would happen to us if we were Jedi. So they abandoned us hoping we would never be found. And (beaming with joy) I did write the script!  
Luke: That explains everything. I knew there was a reason the script is horrible.  
Gina: Hey!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Scene Two  
  
(big ole' star ship in a big ole' room with two people a nearly or should be dead guy in robes and a guy breathing through a ventilator in his black suit. We know them as Emperor and Darth Vader bum bum bum)  
  
Emperor: This Skywalker child poses us great threat.(breathes hard) he must be eliminated  
Vader: Yes master.  
Emperor: And I sense other Force sensitive thingies with him. What the heck. Kill them too. And don't forget to go by the store. I have run out of honey buns(tm). Get me some more. And bring home some Hamburger Helper(tm) for our dinner.  
Vader: Yes master. Master?  
Emperor: Yes?  
Vader: Could you tell me where I could find these adolescents?  
Emperor: Sure thing chum! They are on a sparsely populated densely forested planet.  
Vader: That narrows it down a lot!  
Emperor: You're right. Let me check my script here....ahh yes they are on the planet Bakotwxccdej   
Aaron: (appearing) Now you scare the livin' day lights outa me but, I am n-not supposed to let you mention the script. So could you please not mention it? See the writer will kill me and pain is just not my thing.  
Vader: Oh yes quite. We must have a director and a writer if we wish to get paid.   
Aaron: Thank you sirs! (runs off screen yelling "runaway please I don't wanna die!"  
Emperor: Now go and kill those meddling brats. Make it slow and painful. Oh and one more thing I need you to get at the store. Get a really big box of Twinkies(tm).  
Vader: Yes master. I have stopped questioning your ways my master.  
(Vader leaves the room and goes out into the hall where 2 storm troopers are standing and arguing)  
ST#1: If you are eating chocolate biscuits you must have some canned chicken to go with it.   
ST#2: I don't believe this. Who eats this stuff?  
ST#1: I do.  
Vader: You had better be working and not slacking off. I wouldn't want to Force choke you to death.  
Both STs: Yes Lord Vader!  
Vader: Good now get together a group of 10 storm troopers and prepare to go to the planet Bakotwxccdej. Well, get to it!  
Both STs: Yes sir!  
Vader: Soon I will have those dopes exactly where I want them. First I gonna torture them; then I gonna kill them. MUHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAH!!!!!!(starts choking) UGH UGH UGH UGH   
ST#1: Do you need the Heimlich Lord Vader?  
Vader: No you fools I will be fine. Just get me some water. NOW!! UGH UGH UGH  
(so the things of evil set off to kill the things of mediocrism. Aaron turn off the lights; play the scary music; and switch the scenery. The "Breakfast at Tiffany's" song starts playing. Why must I be cursed with such bad help? On to the next scene!)  
  
  
Scene Three (didn't think I was keeping up with this did you?)  
  
(the six of our heroes sleep soundlessly unaware of the danger in the stars above them. Boy is asleep in and strapped into a bed. Aaron is sleeping in the chair next to Boy's bed with a copy of "The Little Engine That Could" open resting on his chest. Suddenly)  
Boy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (pauses to regain breath) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
(the others flash awake immediately and are by his bedside. Aaron has fallen out of the chair and Luke's light saber is activated)  
Msty: Little overboard, don't you think Lukey?  
Luke: Don't call me that. Now what did you see Boy?  
Boy: (terrified) I had a bad dream.  
Stone: No Duh!  
Boy: There was this really old ugly almost dead dude and this guy in a black suit breathing through a ventilator talking.(looking like he had confused himself as well as everyone else) They were talking about you! (at this he accusingly pointed his shaking finger at Luke) They want you dead!  
Kile: Well, one of two things could be true. A) It was a premonition and Luke is a threat to our way of life. Or 2) It was a nightmare of tremendous proportions produced through too many comic books.  
Boy: Huh?  
Luke: Well, don't worry about it. I am sure it was just a bad dream and there is nothing to worry about Boy. (everyone leaves the room including Aaron who disappears with a flash. Unable to sleep anymore, Luke and Gina walk out into the fresh night air)  
Gina: You didn't sound like you believe that stuff about bad dreams.  
Luke: It showed through that bad? If he was dreaming about the same people I am thinking about then I am in serious...  
Aaron: (appears/cutting him off) there is to be no colorful language in this FanFic! (disappears)  
Luke: Anyways I think he had a Jedi's dream of something that is happening right now. But Boy is such a simpleton. How could this be?  
Gina: What gave you that idea? Not the Boy thing, that's obvious; but the Jedi thing. We are sooooo not the Jedi type.   
Luke: (confused) It's...uh...in the script.  
Aaron: (shows up enraged) Do not mention the script! (disappears)  
Gina: Moving on...If you are wanted dead, you pose us threat. If you pose us threat then you must leave.  
Luke: YOU'RE KICKING ME OUT!!! I am a Jedi master; er, um I am the last Jedi alive ,I think, therefore probably the best. How dare you!  
Gina: Look you can't just show up and expect us to help you win world peace and whatever. Grow up you pansy!   
Luke: ( regaining composure) Fine I will leave tomorrow afternoon.  
Gina: Sorry buddy. Wished you could stay. Then maybe we could actually learn something from you.  
Stone: (from inside house) Don't you be givin' him any ideas! I value my teenage years in which I may do nothing simply because no one expects anything from me. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.   
Gina: (yelling) Quit eves dropping ye mortal peasant!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Scene four:  
  
(we see our good-doers bidding a tearful good-bye to their newly found person to make fun of.)  
Boy: (through really fake thick Old English accent) Get thee gone Walker of Sky; there is much boredom with your presence.  
Stone: (grabbing Boy's arm and twisting it around behind him) Sorry, he is a moron.   
Kile: The Wrath of Stone strikes again!   
Luke: I can't believe I am being kicked out of 5 teenagers' stick hut. Talk about embarrassing; Han and Leia will never let me live this one down.  
Gina: I don't think you should leave. I want to help you. But Aaron gets mad at me for add libbing. (paper airplane hits Gina. It came from offstage) OW!!  
Kile: So what are these guys' names; just in case they come by looking for you. I want to be able to point them in the wrong direction.   
Luke: You can't miss them. One is Emperor Palpatine and the other is Darth Vader.  
Msty: You mean to say that you are a part of the Rebellion and are trying to overthrow the Empire based upon fear and misery?  
Luke: Well, yeah considering I blew up the first Death Star; it is too late to turn back. Does it lower your opinion of me?  
All 5 kids: No!  
Gina: We'll hold up the Rebellion from here. The Emperor has no idea where this planet is or that anyone lives on it. We will be here if we are needed to fight. OK; moment over. Who wants to fight?  
Luke: You will not be so eager to fight once I beat the living snot out of you! (activates light saber)  
Gina: La dee freakin' da! (activates her own light saber) One question Luke: Are you mad at us for having these when we're not supposed to?  
Luke: No; I trust you. (he is surprised to find how good she fights, but he holds back to keep from overwhelming her)  
Gina: Fight; don't be a pansy. I know you can do better. I am not afraid to lose!! (she accidentally trips and falls)  
Kile: I think he wins this one, Gina.  
Luke: Let me help you up. (Gina takes his hand, but instead of being pulled up she pulls him over and throws him over her head in fancy Kung-Fu move)  
(Meanwhile, on the outskirts of the very same wood...)  
ST#1: Where exactly are we going?  
ST#2: We're going to kill a bunch of kiddies who are supposedly a threat to the Empire.  
Vader: No; you two are going to the store for the Emperor. It is your punishment for talking when you weren't supposed to. Pick up some Honey Buns (tm), Hamburger Helper (tm), and a really big box of Twinkies (tm). And go ahead and get him some Tic Tac's (tm) too.  
Both STs: Yes Lord Vader. (run off)  
Vader: Now when we find these people I want them taken back to the ship, alive. All of my best torture equipment is there. MUHAHAHAHAH!!!  
Other STs: Yes Lord Vader!  
(the 'dramatic battle' is over and Luke is supposed to gone but he isn't and they are still talking)  
Luke: Well, I guess I gotta go.  
Gina: (suddenly feeling like something is wrong) I don't like this.  
Boy: this is gonna be ugly.  
Stone: It is about to be a fight.  
Kile: I'm picking up some negative vibes.  
Msty: All is not well with the natural world.  
Luke: Jeez! There are five of you and each said something different. But none of you got it right. (trying to act like a Jedi) I sense a disturbance in the Force.   
Kile: Show off! (Boy screams and jumps into Msty's arms)   
Boy: AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Msty: AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (throws him down) Don't ever do that again!  
Boy: It's the peoplees from my dream.   
Luke, Gina, and Kile: (activating weapons) Where?!  
Boy: Coming!  
Luke: (obviously scared) Well, I gotta go now. Bye!  
Gina: If you leave now you take all of us with you!  
(At this moment Darth Vader walks into the clear w/ our heroes. He is flanked by 8 stormtroopers )  
Vader: So we meet again, Luke.  
Luke: Ahm...have we ever actually met?  
Vader: Don't try to confuse me. I am old and it works too easily.  
Boy: Why don't you retire?  
Vader: This isn't exactly that kinda job. (looks deflated) And I don't have a retirement plan. I would keep none of the power I hold now.  
Boy: (thinks for a moment) Ohhh....OK.  
Vader: (trying to regain control of the situation) For asking about my personal life, you will be the first to die. Or be painfully tortured. I can't decide. Anyways...MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
Boy: Yeep! (Msty uses her TK to move Boy out of harm's way; and Gina, Kile, and Stone all step up to Vader Luke is a pansy and stays behind)  
Gina: Back off Darthy! Only we can hurt Boy.  
Stone: I am afraid that I have to ask you to leave now. (Vader uses the Dark Side of the Force to throw Stone into a tree) OWW!!! You will pay for that you fiend!  
(as he charges at Vader, Luke senses danger and pulls Stone back; just then Gina uses her power to knock Vader back on a really pointy rock)  
Gina: Gotcha!  
Vader: I must confess, this display of talent is quite amazing.  
Boy: //Huh? //  
Kile: // He thinks she is impressive.//  
Boy://Ohh// Vader has a crush on Gina!  
Gina: You will be injured manifold for that one Boy! (starts to attack Boy)  
Kile: // Stop it. This is not in the script. Ha! Aaron can't get me for thinking about it.// (a gym sock is thrown at Kile from offstage) EWWWWW!  
Gina: (snapping out of it and dropping Boy) Right...moving along now. (to Vader ) You think you can just walk in here and take over? Not as long as I have breath in my body.  
Vader: But it says right here in the script: "Attack kids"  
Luke: Hey; I am 25 years old. I am not a kid.   
Vader: But you are a pansy. Back to me. Anyway I am doing exactly what I am supposed to.   
Aaron: (appearing) Well, Luke you are a pansy. But for the last time: STOP MENTIONING THE SCRIPT! Okay? Please sir?  
Vader: You there (points to stormtrooper) kill the kid. (stormtrooper points gun)  
Gina: Wait. I won't pay you if you kill him. Instead of nothing, you'll get absolutely nothing.  
Vader: Aww man! I hate it when the kid is right. I can't kill him, you, it (points to Boy), her (who's the only other her?), or that one (points to Luke). How about you there pretty boy?  
Kile: Not me please not me. I am too young to die. And I'm too cute too.  
Luke: Take me; leave the children (takes pride in fact he's older) here.  
Gina: //He can't kill you. Because then George would kill me. With that he won't get paid.//  
Luke: Oh; never mind then.  
Vader: Let's go. Bring 'director' boy along to for the fun of it.  
Aaron: What!?!?!  
Gina: Let me handle this one Darthy; this is what you get for appearing when not beckoned. I'll teach you yet. And as for that "I'll get you for this Gina" stuff. HA! Don't make me laugh. You are so not intimidating.  
Vader: Come with me or pretty boy dies. Sorry missed my cue somewhere.  
Gina: (pauses in reflection) Okay; sure. We have nothing better to do. That and the plot needs something.   
Stone: Like a pulse for example.  
Gina: Shut up.  
Vader: Here are the rules for this flight:  
* No talking unless I say soNo gum chewing  
* No Force usingNo laughing  
* No spitballsNo smiling  
* No weapons useNo eating   
* No drinkingNo reading  
* No excessive noiseNo hard breathing  
* No plotting escapeAnd most importantly:  
* NO WHINING!!  
Boy: It is a proven statistical fact that a person between the ages of 14 and 25 has an 85% rate of whining. This is increased rapidly when that person is placed in a life or death situation. To remove the high possibility of whining it is best to use duct tape to cover the person's mouth. Hence why gags are used in hostage situations,  
Everyone: Huh?  
Gina: That was your one smart scene. Aren't you happy? You showed everyone up by not add libbing or screwing up. Now Boy, (smack) never show me up again. Don't worry. A big fight is coming and everyone has something to do.  
(enter ship scene end now lets try this again....play scary music now Aaron. OH MAN!!! My director is being held hostage. Now I gotta do everything)  
  
  
  
Scene ummm 5 I guess  
  
  
  
  
(now we[they] are on the ship and moving toward the really big torturing place poor Boy  
he is space sick and wants to get off the ship)  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Vader: No  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Vader: No  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Vader: No  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Vader: No  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Vader: No  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Vader: No  
Boy: When we will get there?  
Vader: If you don't shut up...I'll....er do something really mean and evil.  
Boy: So are we there yet or not?  
Everyone except Boy: NO!!!!  
Aaron: I shouldn't be here. Now there is no one to play the music. And I think this is a politically incorrect way of handling things. All you are going to do is torture people who have never done anything to you. You should have a charge or something against us. And I did get you back Gina. I upstaged you in yet another smart scene; so HA!  
Vader: Fine leave. You are quite annoying anyway. Dumb children education program. Should just brainwash them and use them in the Imperial Forces. OOOHHH; that 's a good idea. (pulls out miniature recorder) Note to self: use children as brainwashed warriors for army.  
Gina: Note to self. Darthy's a pansy!  
Vader: Am not. And stop calling me Darthy; I am a Sith lord. I will not be mocked.  
(storm trooper walks in ) ST: I have the groceries Lord Vader. I even picked up your..um... perscription for your breathing problems.   
Vader: Thank you. You are dismissed.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
ST: No; how dare you ask the same question over and over again. I should kill you for this.  
Gina: Not today. Stop; ye trigger happy fool. (uses TK to pick him up)  
Vader: Quit the both of you. We are here.  
Boy: Where?  
Vader: ( ignoring Boy) I will introduce you to the Emperor now. With the proper brainwashing you will make excellent fighters for the Imperials.  
Msty: How about no.   
Stone: I fight for whom I choose. I will not fight for you.  
Kile: Is there money involved. Being broke is not fun; so if you could pay me....  
Vader: NO; No money is involved.   
Kile: Then screw you. I ain't working unless cash is involved.  
(they exit the ship and walk down the cold steel hallway. Then things start to go wrong for the children )  
Vader: Give me all weapons you have.   
Luke: //What do you guys think.//  
Gina: //I don't know.//  
Kile: //Give over weapons or die. The choice is quite obvious. Give him the weapons.//  
(they hand over the light sabers)  
Vader: All of you.   
Stone: I carry no weapons.  
Msty: I don't believe in violence.  
Kile: I can only carry one and not strain my beautiful muscles.  
Boy: No one trusts me with weapons.  
Gina: Sorry, I can't help you there.  
Luke: I have a blaster in my pants, but my belt is too tight to reach in and get it. So any one who wants to try can.  
Vader: I think you can keep your blaster.  
(they enter the big 'throne' room. And this is how the scene ends I have to think about what happens next.)  
  
  
Scene 6  
(in the throne room w/ Vader and Emperor and our psuedo heroes)  
Emperor: Excellent; you brought them here for public torture.  
Vader: Yes, my master.  
Boy: It's the almost dead guy! AAAHHHHH!  
Kile: By all natural laws, shouldn't you be dead?  
Emperor: Yes, probably. But I am not, so you most...ummm....deal with it. (breathes really hard)  
Kile: (points to Vader) Shouldn't you be dead too?  
Vader: Most likely. The world may never know.  
Kile: So this is a jipped fight? You are almost //and should be ,I'd like to add// dead. You want control of the entire galaxy? Come here Vader. I have to tell you a secret. (Vader walks over) (Kile whispers)I see dead people. (Ben Kenobi's ghost walks on set)  
Ben: Hello! (walks off)  
Gina: What was that all about?  
Msty: I don't know.  
Stone: Let's just start the fight.  
Emperor: OK  
Boy: How about we all play hide and seek instead?  
Gina: // No, I have an idea. Is everyone getting this?//  
Everyone: //Yes//  
Gina: //Pay no attention things of evil. Anyways, everybody but me and Lukey here scatter. All try to make it to the ship.//  
Boy: We have a ship?  
Gina: //Yes, now shut up. Luke and I will meet you there. We gotta take care of Darthy and Co.//  
Other kids: K!  
(everyone follows the plan, but to keep things interesting we will now follow Boy)  
(first he runs into a wall; then he gets up, shakes it off and keeps going but he runs into a stormtrooper)  
Boy: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
ST: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Boy: Why are you here? What are you even? Hey, you're one of those storm truckers!  
ST: Stormtroopers and...ughhhhhhh (dies of heart attack)  
Boy: Ooooooooo! Shiny! (looks at stormtroopers uniform he puts it on and picks up the gun Oh God; we are screwed if he has a gun)  
(now on to Msty) Msty: Move it! (barrels through using TK) Hot stuff coming through and she has TK!  
(naturally she makes it to the ship first "Kryptonite" starts playing on the ship's radio when she starts the engine) Msty: Why do I know Aaron is responsible for this? I just do.  
( moving on to Stone's story) Stone: Outa my way!!! (he uses his strength to tackle his way through crowds, unfortunately, he is shot not killed but really really mad) Ye who shot me will be injured severly!! All feel the Wrath of Stone!! (throws guy against wall)  
(now to the weird person)  
Kile: (facing 10 oncoming stormtroopers) //You once said how you would always be there for me. I need you now more than ever.// TO ME MY FURRY FRIENDS!!!( at this cue 27 Ewoks jump out from behind things on the ship, don't ask where they came from....I don't know, they start attacking the stormtroopers with pointy sticks)  
Kile: I love you guys!  
(scene change to the throne room)   
Luke: Why are we even here? We don't have to do this, ya know?  
Gina: Well, you got any better ideas?   
Vader: (activating light saber) How about you die?!  
Gina: (activating hers) Not gonna happen. (they begin this really cool fight scene...just imagine Vader fighting a teenage girl and losing....when all of a sudden) Gina: Hey Luke! You should be fighting him.   
Luke: Why?  
Gina: I don't know, but I don't like this. (the Emperor throws that lightning stuff like in ROTJ.)  
Luke: OW! (falls over)  
Gina: Pansy!  
(Emperor does it again, but Gina reflects it back at Vader)  
Vader: OW!  
Gina: Ha!  
Emperor: Huh? You did not tell me she could do this Vader.  
Vader: You never asked. (falls over)  
Gina: Betcha a dollar you are stupid enough to try to hit me again!  
Emperor: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!(tries it again this time she throws it right back at him) OOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Gina: C'mon Lukey. We gotta go. (she drags Luke up and they run out of the throne room; using TK to draw a blaster from a near by stormtrooper she blasts her way through the halls of the ship. Then she runs into a stormtroopers) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
ST: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
Luke: (snapping out of his pain induced trance.) Oh yeah, AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
ST: (taking off helmet; we realize it's Boy) Please, Gina, don't maim me; I like me the way I am. I don't wanna die.   
Gina: Boy! (thinks about smacking him but decides against it, knowing she would hurt herself if she did)Come on; we gotta get to the ship and get off of this flying garbage truck. (they all keep on running until they find Kile)  
Kile: OK; you can go home now. Thanks for all of you help. (Ewoks leave)Let's go! (now guess what they find....no; it's not that, it's a trail of blood EWWW!)  
Boy: How far away is the ship? Are we there yet?  
Gina: Boy, Luke and Stone are hurt. We have to get outta here and get them the necessary medical attention they need. We will get to the ship faster if you stop asking so many questions.  
Kile: How do you know Stone is hurt?  
Gina: I don't know how I know; but I know I know.   
Boy: I am confused.   
Luke: You're always confused.  
Gina: Glad to see you feel good enough to make jokes.   
(they finally make it to the ship{YEAH}Msty: OK; we're leaving. Now!  
(in her hurry to escape, she almost runs over Aaron who is trying to escape from an obsessed fan's van) Aaron: LEMME GO!!!!!!  
Shelle: (that is the fan's name) NO; I love you! (kisses him)  
Adam: (shelle's friend) Why don't you go out with me? I like you, I think.  
Aaron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (pauses to breathe) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO   
Gina: (doing the Jedi thought thing, she wants to try this anyway) //Do that poof thingy Aaron. Get out of there.//  
(does the poof thing) Aaron: Is there a shower on board. I feel filthy. (Msty plows over the van and its 2 passengers: Shelle and Adam{the freaky guy who sits near you and your buddies at lunch who no one likes})  
Gina: (ignoring Aaron and tending to Stone) You're gonna be fine. Let's just put a really big Band-Aid on it. And some Neosporin.   
Stone: Thanks Gina. Hey, Lukey, what's wrong with you?  
Luke: (looking a little green) I'm OK, maybe. Msty, take us to the Rebel base. Coordinates: 2667-1110   
  
Scene 7 (wow 6 was really long) (they make it to the Rebel base {yeah} and meet Han and Leia)  
Leia: Luke! Are you all right? (noticing Boy in costume) What's it doing here!?!?!  
Gina: Boy! (pushes him) Take off that ridiculous outfit. At least the helmet.  
Boy: Ohh...OK. Hey(looking at Leia) she looks better this way.  
Stone: How sweet, Boy has a crush on the princess.  
Kile: She is way out of your league, Boy.  
Boy: Point?  
Aaron: No; this is not in the script. Han and Leia eventually get together and have a family anyways. George would kill us if we change it. And can you follow the script?  
Everyone: Ummm...  
Gina: How does it end, originally?  
Aaron: (flipping through papers) DHR picks up the kids and puts them in foster homes.  
Gina: God; that is horrible. I actually wrote that?! From here on out we are going to wing it, OK?  
Everyone: OK!  
Leia: For something or other, we will honor you for your bravery. Now I need your names.  
Msty: Dear sweet God! It's back! ( the little thing that attacked her in scene 1 is back and it looks really mad) Someone save me!  
Kile: Kile to the rescue! (bravely wrestles small thing until it cries for mercy)  
Han: That was weird.  
Luke: They been doing stuff like that all through the story.   
Han: I pity you. C'mon! You heard the princess. Names.  
Gina: I am Gina; that is Stone (points to him); Boy is the moron there( he smiles innocently). The screaming girl is Msty. And the pseudo hero there is Kile. "Director Boy" is Aaron. But he doesn't deserve squat, because he is only the director. He is not even supposed to be here.  
Leia: (writing this all down) Got it.(Kile has gotten the thing off Msty and everyone is standing around with nothing to do)  
Aaron: Gina! Start the next scene now. We need to do something.  
Gina: Don't yell at me. Only I can do that.  
Scene 8 (the last actual scene; I think I'm gonna cry)  
  
(in front of huge crowds, Boy has to wear a straight jacket to keep him from hurting anything; so he has one on...)  
Leia: I would like to commend my young friends here for their courage and abilities. They probably saved Luke's life.  
Luke: I coulda done it on my own.  
Leia: No you couldn't have.  
Luke: Why?  
Han: You're a pansy. You got kicked out of a twig hut by 5 teens. And you (points to Boy) stop making googley eyes at Leia!  
(he starts attacking Boy and this is how it ends. The entire thing) Gina: Aaron....roll credits now!   
  
  
  
  
  
Is this really the end? What happens to our heroes? And who is the big dope?  
  
(sticking head through curtains)Boy: I AM!!!  
The End  
  
Epilogue: Boy meets his parents at the base. Their names are Man and Woman.  
Kile: Becomes a professional model, and a comedian  
Msty: Becomes a teacher at a local school. (I don't know which one)  
Stone: Goes off into the wild to find himself. Gets bored and comes back 3 days later. He says: " I found a squirrel."  
Gina: Also goes into wild to find herself. She becomes more in tune to the Force and even earns the title Jedi when around Luke.  
Aaron: Goes back to own time. And must stay in gym class.  
Our heroes hate their new lives. So they all meet at the Rebel base and live there together. All except for Aaron. The coach still won't let him out of gym class.  
  
  
Gina-MKKile-Martin  
Msty- MarieStone- Andrew  
Boy- MichaelAaron- Eric  
All Star Wars characters played them selves. No rodents were harmed in the making of the FanFic. Special appearances by: Shannon(Shelle) And Adam(the freaky guy who sits near you and your buddies at lunch who no one likes)  
  
  
Quotes from cast:  
MK-(Gina) This was really fun. All the others were so supportive and they were always there when I needed them. I wanna do something else like this now. And Luke is a pansy!  
  
Martin-(Kile)Well, the people OK. But my furry friends were the best. I liked Jubba, the one with the scrunched up face. He also did this really neat trick with pies and 3 weasels. I'll tell you about it later.  
  
Marie-(Msty)It's been interesting. I enjoyed running over that freaky kid.  
  
Michael-(Boy) The extent of Boy's stupidity was over exaggerated by the writer. Boy being based on me and I am not that stupid. Plus, she doubled what she was paying the others for me. Instead of absolutely nothing, I got just nothing.  
  
Andrew-(Stone)I never got to hit anyone with a rock. And I can't believe that guy shot me.  
Eric-(Aaron)...................  
(He could not get out of gym class to give me a quote. Sorry, blame the coaches; I didn't do it.)  
  



	2. The Big Dope Strikes Back

Star Warz: The Big Dope Strikes Back  
  
Hi, it's me again. I'm sorry this took so long, but I couldn't figure out what to write. And then, when halfway through...my computer ate my story. I've probably made some people really mad. Smaller parts, less speech, more blood and gore, and the inevitable low budget just to name a few bad things. So deal....as always...your loving author: me.  
  
Disclaimer: Star Wars and all it's parts belong to George Lucas, and Lucasfilms LTD. I don't own them. I don't own tic-tacs, or any other junk foods mentioned within. I don't have any money, so suing me would do you no good. This takes place after the other one of mine.  
  
  
PS, new characters....woo hoo!  
  
Pirho: A 16-year-old male human with severe issues. He can be rude, sexist, immature, but he's really funny/fun. His special talents include singing (which cheeses off the good guys), dancing (which cheeses off the bad guys), and annoying anyone (especially the writer)::GRR!:: O, yeah, and the most important thing is that he is a pyromaniac and arsonist. Portrayed by: Chris  
  
Toby Fett: Originally, his character as supposed to be another main, huge one. But since my story takes place before the entire Fett deal, I'm just making him an essential but silent and minute part. He and his sidekick do cool stuff. Just not as much as everyone else. Portrayed by: Matt  
  
Pyro Boy: Another 16-year-old guy who has a superhero complex. He is funny, smart, and always has something good to add to any conversation. He can kick butt using his bad impressions of famous superheroes. His real name is Melville. Portrayed by: Brandon.  
  
Shelle: She is not new. However, she is mad at me, so she gets a listing. She is the same age as everyone else. And she whines. That's all you need to know. Portrayed by: Michelle  
  
Chadwick: A kid. That's the only important thing you need to know.  
  
Kayton and Whitney appearing as themselves. Adam appearing as himself.  
  
  
  
A/N: Reika is mentioned a lot. She is my alter ego who enjoys inflicting pain. She's evil. Let's leave it at that. BTW, Reika owns me.   
Scene 1  
(Our scene opens in the rebel hangar. Where we left our wonderful children. There they sit, eating gruel. No reason really. Mostly because they're too lazy to get real jobs so they can buy food.)  
Kile: This bites major solar wind.  
Stone: Indeed. This goo tries my patience. I want the berries from that Bako planet.  
Msty: Can we get on with this? Good-looking guys are in it.  
Kile: I'm already here babe.  
Msty: Shove it up your white, hairy, pathetic rectum. (Kile looks deflated)  
Gina: I want some snow.  
Stone: That has to be THE most irrelevant thing you have ever said.  
Gina: Hey, I'm the alter ego of the writer. I'm allowed as many bad lines as I want. (Writer smiles)  
Boy: Someone, pass the mustard. (They all look at him, because he's being stupid and cheesing them off. Gina grabs his buzz cut hair, and then slams his face into the table. He sits back up, wipes his face, and says) Still good. Yummmers....  
Msty: I lost my appetite. (Looks down and realizes that the rodent thing from the Big Dope is there) O MY GOD!!! GET IT OFF!!!! I WANT IT DEAD!!! JESUS CHRIST!!! HELLP!! (The rat-thing takes her bowl of gruel, licks her, and leaves)  
Kile: Well, that was unexpected.  
Stone: Definitely. (Suddenly a rebel pilot guy walks up to them)  
Rebel: Hey, aren't you the annoying kids from Bako whatever? (they nod and smile) Well, Han is on a rampage because something is broken on his ship.  
Gina: (smack!) BOY! (he whimpers)  
Kile: That sucks.  
Gina: Yep, I say we leave. (a democratic vote is held, to determine the rest of my story. Gina, Kile, Stone, and Msty vote to leave. Boy didn't know how to punch his ballot, therefore negating his vote.)  
(as they walk away, Luke walks up)  
Luke: Where do you think you're going? Han's way mad, and Leia's in full princess mode. You ain't leaving me here.  
Kile: You have to think we're stupid.  
Luke: Well...  
Gina: Don't respond, pansy.  
Stone: Boy broke something on the Falcon. Han's gonna go Imperial on him. Plus, Gina's supposed to be having some sort of Jedi crisis thing.  
Gina: I am?  
Msty: Yea, smart one. It's IN the script. You have to have these flashes or whatever so we have to go help someone.  
Gina: Thanks. Without your help I wouldn't know what to do in my own story. (Aaron appears in his puff of smoke)  
Aaron: Don't mention the script. You should know better by now. (before he can leave, Shelle appears and screams out "I LOVE YOU" Luke's finely honed Jedi skills make him throw the pen he's been holding at her head. She keels over)  
Luke: Sorry, it's a reflex.   
Boy: (Singing) Ding-dong! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch. Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead!!  
Luke: What's he so excited about?  
Kile: I'm excited too. But I'm too cute to do that.  
Stone: This is as excited as I get. (his face remains emotionless)  
Gina: She'll be back.  
Kile: How do you know?  
Gina: The writer is a sadistic, pyromaniac who enjoys inflicting pain on anyone who breathes.  
Stone: O.  
Luke: Well, I suggest we get going.   
Msty: Who is this we kemosabe? You have to say and stave the world. I mean, you have to stay and save the world.  
Luke: (whining) But I don't wanna...  
Gina: Suck it up, pansy. (Boy walks over to Shelle's body)  
Boy: (poking it with a stick) Get up. Get up! You suck.  
Kile: Where's Adam?  
Msty: He dropped out of school to be a full time stalker. Come on, there's a ship or something we can board that way.   
(after a while of walking, they soon run into a kid in a tux. He is their age)  
Kid: Hi.  
Kile: Hi.  
Msty: How you doin'?  
Boy: I can tie my shoelace!  
Gina: Hi, the moron is Boy, I'm Gina, the midget is Stone, the other boy is Kile, and the girl hitting on you is Msty. We're outcasts from society. What's your name and why are you in a tux?  
Kid: My name is Pirho. I'm 16, a pryo and a Sagittarius. I'm a member of the I.G.C.T.S.B.I.T.B.W.J.D.L.O.  
Everyone else: Wha?  
Pirho: It's the Inter Galactic Choir That Sucks But Isn't That Bad, We Just Don't Like Ourselves. (he beams)  
Kile: O, my God! I've been beamed!! (he, Boy, and Stone fall over and play dead.)  
Pirho: What's that about?  
Msty: You don't want to know. (Pirho nods.)  
Stone: (getting up) Hey, Pirho. Wanna come with us?  
Kile: Yeah, we're leaving this God forsaken hunk of rock.  
Pirho: Where?  
Gina: Well, seeing as how pain and annoyances lie that way (points behind them), we're going that way. (points the opposite direction.)  
Pirho: You know what? I don't want to go.  
Msty: Exsqueeze me?  
Kile: You don't want to go?  
Boy: Miscellaneous adventures await.  
Pirho: No. I don't want to go.  
Gina: If you don't go, I'll let one of the writer's alter egos attack you. She will use my lightsaber to castrate you. (she activates her weapon) Snip-snip.  
(the boys shudder)  
Pirho: I'll go. Just, please. Don't hurt me.   
Gina: Um...okay. (she deactivates the lightsaber. Aaron appears.)  
Aaron: Come on you guys. Quit screwing around and get to the plot.  
Stone: Hey Aaron, isn't Gina having some sorta Jedi thingy?  
Aaron: Well, a pathetic life form is in dire need of your help. Go save him.   
Msty: Who is it?  
Aaron: Chadwick.  
Kile: He is indeed pathetic.  
Gina: Aw, man. I don't wanna rescue him. What's wrong? A hangnail?  
Aaron: Haha. No. An evil history teacher or something.  
Pirho: *gasp* You mean, Darth Meister!!?!?!??!?!!  
Aaron: I guess.   
Kile: Who?  
Stone: Wha?  
Boy: Am I supposed to have a question here?  
Pirho: The Legend of Darth Meister; she's an old history teacher gone bad. She is now a trusted assassin for Darth Vader. She kills with sexist favoritism and homework. No one is safe.  
Msty: So, we need to charter a ship to which planet?  
Aaron: Um...Auditorial 93. It's right next to that snow planet.  
Pirho: Hoth?  
Aaron: Nope, Jakodetralob.   
Gina: Snow!! WOO HOO!!! (starts celebrating)  
Kile: What's up with her? (everyone shrugs)  
Gina: What? Why is everyone looking at me?  
Scene 2  
(We're in a big round room with hardly any furniture. All you see is a pathetic teenager and a Sith Lord. She is Darth Meister. And she's cheesed off.)  
Darth Meister: What do you mean you don't have the homework?!??!?!  
Teen: I'm sorry. I'll have it tomorrow! I swear!  
Darth Meister: I'm not that lenient. (she calls for stormtroopers) Take this slime out of my sight. Put him in the movie room. MWHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!! I love being evil. Bring me Chadwick.  
(Chadwick is brought out. He's tied up)  
Chadwick: You can't keep me here. You have no hard evidence that I'm a rebel.  
Darth Meister: You're right. But I don't like you. Therefore, you stay. And I get to play with you for a while. Any requests before you die?  
Chadwick: Yes. Put it on my tombstone that I'm smarter than Aaron and Gina; and that I died valiantly.   
Darth Meister: You're not smarter than them. They're not tied up and in my presence. And with what I'll do to you, you won't die valiantly.  
Chadwick: That sucks.  
Darth Meister: Watch your language.   
Chadwick: That bites. Sorry.  
Darth Meister: So, what do you want to die from? Or be tortured by? Drawn and quarter? Um...injections of Windex into your veins. How about one history paper due every night at midnight? Or I could borrow one of Lord Vader's machines....(ponders this thought; a stormtrooper walks in)  
ST: There's a holo-message from Darthy boy.  
Darth Meister: Show him some respect.   
ST: Whatever. (he leaves; the holo-net turns on and Vader appears)  
Darth Vader: Darth Meister. Good to see you're still alive. I thought someone should have killed you by now.  
Darth Meister: What's that supposed to mean?  
Darth Vader: Nothing. (mutters) Darn women Sith! (speaks up) I want you to use Chadwick as bait for the annoying kids that escaped in "The Big Dope."  
Darth Meister: How did you know he was here? And how do you know they will come? Is it the Force?  
Darth Vader: No, the writer came and talked to me. If we don't cooperate, she will set the She-Demon Reika after us.  
Darth Meister: O. Whatever.  
Darth Vader: I'll leave you for your pleasures.  
Chadwick: Darthy, please give me a tic-tac. Any help here would be appreciated?!?!?!  
Scene 3 (back at the rebel base, still trying to find a ship)  
Pirho: I'm having issues here.  
Kile: You fit in great.  
Msty: What's wrong?  
Pirho: I'm still in a tux.  
Stone: Suck it up.  
Gina: Um...um...you'll have to talk to Aaron. AARON!!! (he appears)  
Aaron: You bellowed?  
Pirho: I'm having issues here. I need some jeans and a shirt. Something....being dressed up sucks.  
Aaron: Riiight. You'll have to talk to the writer. (they all look at Gina)  
Gina: O no, I don't take credit for this. It always sucks. And I always get blamed.  
Boy: It's always your fault.  
Msty: Shut up worm. (suddenly two girls who aren't from the SW universe walk up: Whitney and Kayton)  
Whitney: Yeah, MK is too busy to actually come here. She has to write the story. And it's sequel.  
Pirho: O God! There's more!?!?!!?  
Stone: Be thankful you weren't in the first one.  
Kayton: Hello, back to me. Yes, here are you some clothes. (she holds up a pair of jeans and a TACKY Hawaiian shirt)  
Gina: (looking at the shirt) I told you she was sadistic.  
Pirho: Can anyone be that sadistic?  
Msty: Suck it up. Whining decreases your babe factor.  
Stone: Is there actually gonna be plot movement in this scene?  
Kile: All we've done so far is talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. (whispering) And Gina wouldn't know what a plot was if one bit her.  
Gina: (still whispering) For the last time, I'M NOT THE WRITER!! ( a rebel guard walks over, he's supposed to be doing a job or something)  
Guard: (whispering) What's all the whispering about?  
Kile: (still whispering) Whispering? What whispering? (everyone else moans)  
Aaron: Well, we've managed to use that joke way too many times. And we proved that the writer has problems.  
Boy: (singing) I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves; and this is how it UMPH!! (Msty's blow to his stomach cuts short the song)  
Stone: So I'm right.  
Pirho: About what?  
Stone: There was absolutely no point to this scene whatsoever.   
Kile: He IS right. That's amazing.  
Pirho: What, that the writer is incompetent?  
Boy: No, that Stone is right.  
Gina: Good point.  
Pirho: This is a men only conversation.  
Msty: Sexist pig!  
Gina: HHAHAHAHAHAH!!! You mean boy only.  
Boy: Did someone call?  
Aaron: I'm leaving before this gets any worse.  
Kile: Too late.  
Scene 4  
(same place, Aaron is gone)  
Msty: What now, Einstein?  
Kile: You're asking Gina'? Like she's supposed to know. Heh heh.  
Gina: Don't take ruthless stabs at my character. It's not nice.  
Stone: Why?  
Boy: She inflicts self-defeat by constantly insulting herself, it actually hurts when others criticize her.  
Pirho: Did he just say something intelligent?  
Stone: Yep.  
Pirho: I'm scared.  
Msty: Me too.  
Gina: Um, that's not right.  
Kile: (smacks Boy) Okay, who set the Mormon.....I mean moron...on smart mode? Must have been a scratch in the album.  
Pirho: Have you people ever considered psychiatric help?  
Gina: What would be the point in that?  
Pirho: Okay, whatever. (now that they've walked and talked 1.5 scenes, they're actually at the ship. The pilot is Toby Fett.)  
Toby: Hey, are you the people who are supposed to board this ship with Luke? I'm Toby. Your captain.  
Stone: Wha? (Luke walks out of the ship)  
Luke: I told you, you're not leaving me here.  
Toby: So, who's paying for this?  
Boy: Han Solo!  
Pirho: Is it my imagination, or is Boy getting smarter?  
Kile: I...don't...know. Spock, explain.  
Stone: Highly illogical, Captain. But apparently true.  
Gina: Jim! You're turning the story into a crossover. It's dead Jim. No amount of improv will give the fic a pulse.  
Toby: What in the name of Yoda is going on?!?!?!?!  
Msty: Captain, we're being hailed.  
Luke: Okay, Star Trek sucks. Let's get back to my part of the universe, okay?  
Stone: He said Star Trek sucks. O my God.  
Gina: Thou blasphemous fool; thou shall pay for thy arrogance!! (a kid in superman costume jumps out from behind something: it is Pyro Boy)  
Pyro Boy: Holy underwear Batman! Did I mention the writer was sadistic?  
Boy: We've established that.  
Kile: Why is your underwear on the outside of your uniform?  
Msty: This is getting stranger by the scene.  
Stone: Thank you Captain Obvious.  
Msty: (grinning) You're welcome, Lt. Cynical.  
Toby: Are you getting on the ship, or not??  
Gina: Um...I dunno.  
Kile: Whad'dya mean "I dunno"????? You're supposed to!!  
Gina: I...uh...haven't read this far into the script.  
Boy: I did something Gina didn't! Wow!!  
(suddenly, Whitney and Kayton are back)  
Whitney: Get on the ship. Go to A-93. You have to rescue that low down platypus Chadwick.  
Kayton: And the sadistic writer sent Melville these clothes. (She holds up jeans and a button-up shirt) You have to use that underwear though.  
Boy: I'm guessing Pyro Boy is Melville.  
Whitney: Yeah, you forgot to go through that scene. MK forgot to write it.  
Pirho: Wait a second. How come he gets nice clothes?  
Kayton: And who are you again?  
Pirho: I'm someone important.  
Kile: That's an opinion.  
Pirho: I'll start to sing and dance if I don't get my way. (everyone stares blankly at him, he starts singing and dancing) I love to singa...about the moona and the Juna and the springa. I love to singa...(they quickly get him a change of clothes so he stops singing) That's more like it.  
Gina: Don't do that around us. You almost gave Stone a heart attack.  
Stone: How could you tell?  
Boy: She used her Jedi thingy to detect your pest chains.  
Kile: His what?  
Pirho: His chest pains.  
Msty: He understands Boy.  
Stone: Wow.  
Pyro Boy: Have no worry, have no fear, Underdog will soon be here.  
Gina: O well, come on. Board the ship.  
Toby: I'm charging Han a lot more for this.  
Luke: You can't do that.  
Toby: Why not?  
Luke: Because I say so.  
Toby: Shut up, pansy.   
Luke: I'm sorry.  
Toby: You'd better sit in the corner for the entire trip.  
Luke: Yes sir. (during the ride to the planet...)  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: No.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: No.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: No.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: No.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: No.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: No.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: No.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: No.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: No.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: No.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: No.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: No.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: No.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Toby: If you ask that one more time, you will wish the Imperials had you.  
Gina: Shut up. Just drive. That's supposedly what you're being paid for.  
Pyro Boy: Do I do anything important?  
Kile: That is the question.  
Gina: Everyone does. I think.  
Pirho: I haven't had a line in a while. Did the writer forget me?  
Msty: I wish I could.  
Stone: I'm hungry.  
Pyro Boy: This scene sucks.  
Gina: We know.  
Kile: I wanna kill someone.  
Stone: I wanna hit someone with a rock.  
Msty: I wanna find a smart boy in this fic.  
Gina: Sounds like some personal problems to me.  
Luke: Can I come out of the corner now?  
All others: NO!  
Scene 5 (back at Darth Meister's place; Emperor and Darthy have shown up)  
Darth Meister: Are you sure this will work?  
Emperor: No.  
Darth Vader: We don't have any other options.  
Chadwick: You could let me go.  
All others: No.  
Emperor: You're too valuable as bait. MWAHAHHAHAHAH!!!(starts coughing) UGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGH...  
Darth Meister: Are you okay?  
Darth Vader: Suck it up, Empy.  
Emperor: Yes sire.  
Chadwick: Isn't it time for my stale bread and water?  
Darth Meister: Remind me why we can't kill him again...  
(back on Toby's ship)  
Luke: So THAT'S the plan?!?!?!?!  
Gina: Well, yeah.  
Kile: That sucks.  
Stone: I'm not comfortable with this.  
Msty: This isn't making me happy.  
Boy: Did I miss something?  
Pyro Boy: The odds are against us. But we can do it, super friends.  
Pirho: He's getting worse than Boy. Gina, you suck at planning.   
Gina: It's a simple plan. We go in, get caught. Save Chadwick...run away. Any questions?  
Luke: So THAT'S the plan?!!?!?!!?!?  
Gina: Shut up; don't start that again.  
Toby: A request: If my ship gets scratched...can I have Luke's head on a platter.  
Pirho: Okay. Fine by me.  
Gina: AARON!!! END THIS SCENE AND START THE MUSIC!!!  
("Shake, Rattle, and Roll" starts playing)  
(they get to the planet, they sneak in or whatever. everyone is in the main room of Darth Meister's place....except Aaron. He got out.)  
Luke: (upon seeing Darth Vader) Crud monkeys!! What now Gina?  
Gina: (ala Monty Python) Run away!! Run away!!  
Kile: I thought we were supposed to get captured.  
Boy: AHH!! THE ALMOST DEAD AND THE SHOULD BE DEAD GUYS!!! (he jumps in to Pirho's arms)  
Pirho: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (throws Boy down) Don't ever do that again!  
Msty: HAHA!!  
Pyro Boy: Gina, it says in the script: "kids get captured. No running away. ~Signed: the loving author"  
Luke: Gina, your alter ego has problems.  
Gina: Tell me about it.  
Darth Meister: Ah, fresh meat. Guards! Get them!!  
Darth Vader: Hey, that's my line.  
Emperor: Suck it up. (to guards) And make sure you tie them up in an easily escapable position.   
Darth Meister: WHAT!!! They're teens. Scum of earth! Bacteria of life!  
Gina: Freshmen of forever!  
Kile: Platypus of space!  
Boy: Dirty sock of empires!  
Pyro Boy: Holey underwear of armored guards!  
Luke: Enough of the bad analogies.  
Emperor: Thank you my child.  
Luke: No prob.  
Darth Vader: I missed my que again. Anyways...we tie them up like that so they can be killed in a gory matter while they escape.  
Darth Meister: Oh.  
Luke: Reika threatened you too, huh?  
Darth Vader: Yep. Lightsaber. Snip-snip...ewwww.  
Gina: Oy vay!  
Kile: Sounds like Reika may be attracted to Darthy Boy. Sounds like he's got some sexual attraction going on.  
Msty: Not hardly.  
Stone: He's rich, he's powerful. Women like that.  
Pirho: Hey, where's Toby?  
Pyro Boy: You mean the normal one?  
Stone: Yeah, where is he?  
Gina: Well, someone had to stay on the ship; now we can leave quicker.  
Msty: (grabs Gina's shirt and shakes her) You mean you left someone on the ship?!?! It wasn't me!?!?!?! You will pay!!!!!  
Kile: Knock it off you two.  
Msty and Gina: Sowwy.  
Kile: That's better. I don't want any goofing off during the all important capture scenes.  
Scene 6  
(the kids are tied up and surrounded by 12 stormtrooers. Their hands are tied behind them; they're tied to chairs, back to back. Their weapons are gone)  
Pyro Boy: This sucks.  
Pirho: Why did I let her talk me into this?  
Gina: Because you're a scared lonely, insecure little boy with no friends.  
Kile: That's how she got all of us here.  
Msty: Not me. I just don't like the other girls our age.  
Boy: I have an idea. Let's play musical chairs.  
Stone: If I could smack you. I would, without hesitation.  
(suddenly a guard comes and puts Chadwick next to Pirho and Gina)  
Pirho: Why by me? Why can't he sit by Boy?  
Stormtrooper: The writer says "HI!" You're supposed to know what that means.  
Pyro Boy: I think we should revolt.  
Pirho: No, she has to help me study for my exam so I don't fail. I hate this script.  
(Aaron appears)  
Aaron: Don't do that. ( he leaves)  
Pirho: Never was a truer phrase spoken, than that of the AntiChrist. He once said. "If she doesn't help me study, and I don't pass...I'll fail."  
Boy: Amen.  
Kile: Hey, Stormy! (all guards look that way) The one with the keys! Come here. (the one with keys comes over)   
ST: Yes?  
Kile: I have to tell you a secret. I have a rare mutated throat virus that could be lethal.  
ST: Like I haven't heard that one before.   
Kile: I swear. Take a look...(he opens his mouth and a hand pops out of his throat, it punches the stormtrooper, takes the gun, and the keys, pushes the guard over. Then it goes back into Kile's mouth) That hurts. Now I need a lozenge.  
Gina: Go Kile.  
Msty: Wow.  
Pirho: That was weird.  
Boy: Yeppers.  
Luke: Yeppers?  
Pyro Boy: Yeppers?  
Luke: Maybe we can leave him here.  
Chadwick: What about me and those other guards.  
Gina: No problem. Hey Key boy...  
Kile: Yes?  
Gina: Unlock us, pwease?  
Pirho: Just say it. Please. I hate baby talk. Especially from you.  
Pyro Boy: Can I go home?  
Stone: Not if I can't.  
Msty: Hurry up Kile. Don't make you hurt me. I mean...you know what I mean.  
Chadwick: Don't forget me.  
Kile: Don't hold your breath. (Kile unlocks everyone except Chadwick. Gina walks up to the guards.)  
Gina: You know what? I've found the meaning of life. I know all the secrets to the universe. You wanna know? (guards nod) Okay, here I go...the(she stops mid sentence and falls to the ground, screaming) Shut UP, O my God! Make the voices stop!!! I won't do it!! NO!!!!! (the stormtroopers look at the others, then drop their guns and leave)  
Stone: You need help. Compact your issues into volumes.  
Luke: Don't give her any ideas.  
Pirho: That's not safe.  
Pyro Boy: Don't we have to go kill someone?  
Msty: Don't get too excited there Sparky.  
Luke: Does this fanfic ever end? Or does it go on forever?  
Kile: Don't give the writer any ideas.  
Gina: She doesn't need help.  
(Boy starts waving the keys in front of Chadwick, just out of range: Boy is torturing Chadwick ::this is priceless:: )  
Boy: Heh...cool.  
Stone: I question his sanity.  
Pirho: Quit wasting time. Come on, to the throne room for the show down.  
Chadwick: Hello, I'm still tied up.  
Pyro Boy: So he is.  
Msty: I wonder if it's in my contract to do a bikini scene like Leia.  
Gina: No, you don't have to.  
Kile: I wouldn't mind.  
Stone: I think I'm gonna hurl.  
Pirho: Why can't Pyro Boy and I go home?  
Msty: The more, the merrier.  
Chadwick: These chains aren't getting any looser. I'm still tied up.  
Luke: Hey, well...he is. Where are our lightsabers?  
Pyro Boy: And my blaster?  
Boy: And my brain?  
Gina: (to Luke) Down the hall to the left. (to Pyro Boy) In that cabinet. (to Boy) You've never had one.  
Kile: I want a blaster.  
Msty: I think Luke should have it.  
Everyone else: Why?  
Luke: (beaming) I'm a pansy!!  
Pirho: Here we go again.  
Stone: I've been beamed! (he, Kile, and Boy fall over)  
Pyro Boy: It's a bird, it's a plane! It's superman and his moronic counterparts!  
Gina: Aren't you happy to have friends?  
Pirho: If this is friendship, shoot me.  
Msty: Don't tempt me.  
Stone: (standing up) Gina will threaten to hurt you. Msty will maim you if given the chance.  
Chadwick: I'm still in chains! Don't you people hear me?  
Boy: I think I have earwax or something. (sticks finger in ear)  
Pirho: I wanna meet Darth Meister. Come on.  
Chadwick: I'M STILL HERE!! (all others exit, leaving him by himself)  
Scene 7  
(they are all standing in front of Darth Vader, Meister, and the Emperor)  
Darth Meister: Well, well, well. If it isn't the children who've run astray from the Empire.   
Luke: I'm not a child.  
Darth Vader: (stifling laugher) Go on and lie to yourself. You don't fool us.  
Gina: You may not be a kid, Luke, but you are a pansy.  
Emperor: Now, Darth Vader and I will leave.  
Darth Meister: Why?  
Darth Vader: Because we can. And because I don't want to be struck by blue lightning again.  
Emperor: Yes, that really does hurt. I learned the hard way.  
(so the bad guys leave, because they are losers)  
Darth Vader: I'm not a loser.  
Pirho: When you were chosen as Darth Vader, did you read the job description?  
Stone: And when you were chosen, did you read the script?  
Darth Vader: No. And..uh..no.  
Kile: O, I see.  
Boy: You're a bad man. And bad men always lose.  
Gina: Especially since you killed Kenobi.  
Msty: (sniffle) He used to be so cute.  
Darth Vader: What about me? I looked good before I got scarred for life and was made into part machine!  
Pyro Boy: (looking at Luke) It obviously doesn't run in the family.  
Luke: What's that supposed to mean?  
Gina: Nothing, nothing at all.  
Emperor: Come on, Darthy Boy. We can order a pizza and rent some videos tonight.  
Darth Vader: YIPEE!   
Pirho: Now I'm gonna have Episode 1 nightmares for the rest of my life.  
(the bad guys exit and Darth Meister stands up)  
Darth Meister: Well, I'll guess I'll kill you all myself. (activates her purple lightsaber)  
Boy: Purple? (the kids and Luke stifle laughter)  
Darth Meister: Yes! I'm not a lesbo. I just like purple.   
Pyro Boy: Sure, whatever.  
Pirho: Ooo, pretty colors.  
Msty: Why did we bring him again?  
Gina: If I have to explain that the writer is sadistic one more time...I'm gonna scream.  
Stone: Did you say something Gina?  
Gina: AAHHHH!!!!!!!!! See, I told you.  
Kile: We have more pressing issues than Gina's fleeting sanity.   
Darth Meister: First I'm gonna kill Luke.  
Luke: Why?  
Everyone else: Because, you're annoying!   
Luke: You've hurt my feelings. Wait a second. I'm signed up for the other episodes...you can't kill me. (starts celebrating)   
Darth Meister: Darn. O well, next in line....AGHHHHHHHHH!!! (she has a heart attack and dies right there.)  
Msty: O my God.  
Kile: She killed Kenny! O, sorry. Wrong thing.  
Stone: That's unusual.  
Pirho: Does this mean the fic is over?  
Pyro Boy: I wanted to burn her.  
Pirho: Join the club.  
Gina: No, the fic is not over. (suddenly, Darth Meister's spirit gets up)  
Darth Meister's Spirit: Well, that sucks. I died before I could kill you.  
Luke: Doesn't this situation strike any of you as odd?  
Gina: Yeah, it's pretty weird. Even for me.  
Kile: That says a lot right there. (suddenly a redheaded kid in a football shirt walks in, his name is Adam. And he is the AntiChrist. This is not the same one who followed Shelle around in "The Big Dope")  
Adam: Hi, did anyone just die here? (Luke and kids point to Meister) Okay, come with me ma'am. I'm the AntiChrist. And you have to come to Hell with me.  
Darth Meister's Spirit: Aren't I supposed to disappear in the Force or something?  
Adam: You're not actually a Sith. More like, a Sith-wanna-be. So you get to come with me to Hell. It'll be fun. We're having a campaign to get air-conditioning.   
Darth Meister's Spirit: Sounds cool. Okay, bye everyone. (suddenly, a frazzled Chadwick walks in.)  
Chadwick: O, thank God. I thought you would have left me here. I had to worm my way to the keys. And I used my mouth to undo the locks. I think I chipped my tooth. (as he walks up to hug someone, {he's happy to be alive} the AntiChrist reaches into Chadwick's body and pulls out his heart. Chadwick dies.)  
Adam: Sorry, it's a reflex. Hope you didn't need him for the plot. (Aaron appears)  
Aaron: No, but he'll be back.  
Gina: Why?  
Aaron: Shelle is way mad for the entire "fan" thing. And Chadwick has taken Shelle's place.  
Msty: Chasing you?  
Kile: No, being killed.  
Pirho: So who's Shelle after now? (Shelle walks up)  
Shelle: Weird Al. He's hot.  
Pyro Boy: He's old.  
Boy: Love is blind.   
Stone: So is obsessed fandom.  
Luke: Good point.  
Aaron: Anyway, you all behave. Episode 3 is coming.  
Pirho: Bye, AntiChrist.   
Adam: I'll see you in a few months!  
Gina: Hey Adam, (he turns to face her) I'll see you Monday in biology. MWAHAHAHAH!!!!! I love doing that.  
Boy: You need help.   
(everyone leaves...the kids and Luke get on the ship with Toby, Adam and Darth Meister go to Hell, Chadwick is seen a few days later: hiding from Gina, Shelle goes off to find Weird Al, and Aaron goes home to prepare for the next installment to this fanfic.)  
Scene 8  
(on the snow planet, Jakodetralob)  
Gina: Eat snow, Pyro Boy! (throws snowball)  
Pyro Boy: I will never let you win!  
Pirho: Shut up! (throws snowball at Gina)  
Gina: Hey!  
Kile: Msty! (she turns) Catch! (lobs snowball)  
Msty: UPMH! (she tackles Kile)  
Stone: Boy! (he throws the snowball)  
Boy: Huh? ACK!!!!!! UMPH!  
Luke: Kile! (Luke throws the snowball and Kile cuts the chunk of snow in half)  
Kile: Don't do that. It's not funny.  
Luke: But I thought...never mind.  
(And so ends one of the most painful fanfics ever written by me. Yes, it was horrible. It sucked. But I don't care.)  
Stone: I still haven't hit anyone with a rock.  
Pirho: I still haven't burned anyone.  
Msty: I am still single.  
Gina: I am still having issues.  
Pyro Boy: I am still wondering why I'm here.  
Kile: I am still wondering why we're doing this.  
Aaron: I am not in gym class anymore!   
Toby: I still haven't been paid.  
Shelle: I am still alive!  
  
The End....  
  
Boy: I am STILL the big dope.  
  
  
Cast: (in no particular order)  
Gina: MK  
Kile: Martin  
Msty: Marie  
Stone: Andrew  
Boy: Michael   
Aaron: Eric  
Pirho: Chris  
Pyro Boy: Brandon  
Toby: Matt  
Chadwick: Scum of the earth.  
Shelle: Michelle  
Luke: Pansy  
Han: Himself  
Leia: Herself  
Whitney: Herself  
Kayton: Herself  
Adam the AntiChrist: Adam the AntiChrist  
Darth Vader: Guy in black suit  
Emperor: A corpse  
Darth Meister: A teacher from my school  
  
No body was really harmed in the making of this fic. I spent countless hours typing and slaving, but I didn't get hurt. Chadwick and Shelle weren't really killed. It's only a fan-FICTION, as in not for reality. Thank you for reading. Now, please wait for the other part....give me a day or two.  



	3. The Return of the Big Dope

Star Warz: The Return of the Big Dope  
  
Hello again all. This is the 3rd and (possibly) final installment of the "Big Dope" series. Yes, this makes me very sad. Perhaps there will be more. Maybe the Force will guide me into a further parody of our favorite trilogy. Then again, I could just continue writing about Star Wars stuff. Humm...I think this could get interesting. This story takes place a short period of time after "The Big Dope Strikes Back." I was hurried in writing this, so if it sucks, I apologize. In fact, I apologize anyways because it sucks. I had to write it in the wee hours of the morning. C'est la vie.  
  
I do not own Star Wars. I do not own any of its characters. I do not own tic-tacs, junk food, or any other thing that you know of from the outside world. Star Wars and all of its wonderful parts belong to George Lucas. Some one owns all that other stuff I mentioned too. I don't know whom. Please don't sue me.  
  
New Characters!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! (writer starts to dance around) heh....sorry. I was swept up in the moment.   
  
By the way, I sincerely apologize to "Chadwick." Do not sue me for making fun of "Chadwick." This is only for fun. Do not take seriously, however...the dialogue between Gina and Chadwick has actually taken place. Only Chadwick is still alive.   
  
  
Art: 15-year-old male human who is the new pilot. Toby got mad at me for making his part smaller, so Art was born. Art tries to humorless and deadpan. He fails miserably.  
Portrayed by: Glenn  
  
Kayton, Whitney, the AntiChrist, Traci, and Alana all appear as themselves. Thank you to all who have inspired me. Thank you to all who tolerate me. Thank you to all who have read this far into it.  
Scene 1 (we open once again in the rebel hangar. They're still eating gruel. Boy, Gina, Msty, Kile, and Stone have no lives...)  
Boy: HEY!! (Sorry, anyways, after the last adventure they went home with nothing to do. O, Pirho and Pyro Boy are still here.)  
Stone: Why did we come back to this God forsaken pit of demons?  
Msty: Why dear God, did I volunteer for this?  
Kile: What is this volunteering you speak of?  
Stone: None of us volunteered. We were dragged here against our Whills.  
Gina: Bad pun! Bad! No cookie!  
Boy: Can we go back to that Jako-planet with the snow?  
(suddenly Han and Leia walk up to them and pull out blasters)  
Leia: Not that I care, but where's Luke?  
Han: Not that I care, but why has a "Toby Fett" billed me for 50,000 credits?  
Kile: Um, I swear to God...we didn't lose the pansy!  
Gina: Toby said it'd only cost 25,000! Aw, man.....  
Pirho and Msty: (noticing blasters pointed at them) Jesus Christ! (Aaron appears)  
Aaron: Don't shoot the hired help. They can't be replaced.   
Pyro Boy: I wasn't aware we were hired...  
Gina: I certainly didn't sign any contracts.   
Boy: I still wanna go to that snow planet from the other story.  
Kile: Hey Aaron, are there and chicks in this fanfic?  
Aaron: I dunno. I'm not God. I'm just the director. The plot is still in the works.  
Stone: Once again, our incompetent, sadistic writer has ensured that this will be a long and painful process.  
Msty: There'd better be guys in this.  
Boy: There'd better be snow in this.  
Han: Shut up moron.  
Boy: (looking at Leia) Hey-ah sweetie. How about you and me go out for pizza sometime? (she laughs)  
Kile: (whining) I'm supposed to be the ladies' man.....*sniffle*   
Gina: (comforting) There. There.  
Boy: Where? Where?  
Msty: Can we get on with the plot?  
Stone: There is no plot.  
Pirho: Yeah, even Pyro Boy and I know that there's no plot in this story. It's stupid, pointless, and time consuming.  
Gina: That hurt my feelings. Do you have to be so mean to me?  
Pyro Boy: Yes.  
Pirho: It's only because you insist upon dragging us into your life. That, and we are actually kinda fond of you.  
Msty: How sweet, a Kodak moment. I think I'm gonna puke.  
Stone: Ditto.  
Aaron: On with the plot...Thank God someone finally wants to work. I'm sorry, I missed my que. (all other glare evilly at Msty)  
Msty: So what? I'm sick of dialogue.  
Pyro Boy: Watch your back kid.  
Boy: Can we go to the snow planet?   
Aaron: No.  
Stone: Can we get some vacation time?  
Aaron: No.  
Han: Will someone explain what's going on to Leia and me?  
Aaron: No...sorry, wrong answer. (flips through blank papers and mutters) I'm gonna smack MK for not writing more to the script.....  
Leia: Where's Luke at, Director Boy?  
Boy: What?!?! Who said my name?!?!?!  
Gina: (ignoring Boy) And what's the next plot move (waves activated lightsaber at Aaron)  
Aaron: I though we were closer friends that that, Gina.  
Gina: O, right. Sorry.  
Pirho: You often get swept up in your own world, don't you?  
Gina: Did you say something important? I was in my own little world.  
Aaron: Can we please get back to me?  
Pyro Boy: How come he gets such a big part in this fic?  
Pirho: The writer is sadistic.  
Stone: The writer is incompetent.  
Msty: The writer is insane.  
Kile: The writer is weird.  
Boy: The writer is a moron.  
Han: I don't know the writer.  
Leia: Me either.  
Gina: If Aaron talks and explains the plot, we don't waste 17 sheets of paper just talking about nothing.  
Kile: You suck. I like rambling and ranting on and on about nothing.  
Aaron: A-hem.....  
Boy: Sorry old chap.  
Aaron: Are there any Jedi here?  
Leia: Technically, I'm supposed to be.  
Gina: You read ahead in the real script, didn't you? (Leia nods)  
Msty: George is gonna kill us.  
Stone: We're screwd.   
Aaron: Anyways, here's the thing: IF any of you were Jedi (real Jedi, anyway), you'd know that Chadwick--that low down scum ball--and Luke--that stupid pansy--are trapped on a remote planet.  
Pirho: So we get to pilot a ship to some remote planet to save their wuss...(cut off by Pyro Boy)  
Pyro Boy: AS-TEROIDS!!! Are those asteroids I see? (everyone moans and Stone smacks him)  
Msty: Hey Gina, we haven't used our TK since the Big Dope.   
Gina: We had TK?? O yeah!!!!!  
Kile: And I'm telepathic.  
Boy: (beaming) I'm telepathetic. AHH!!!! I beamed myself. (falls into fetal position)  
Stone: So, o great and wise director, why haven't they used their powers. And when do I get to show off my strength?  
Aaron: The writer and I agree that all of your real talents are too much trouble to write into story lines. And flattery, my friend, will get you anything you want.  
Han: What are these people smoking?  
Leia: Why aren't they sharing?  
Pirho: I don't know about the others, but Gina and I are crack heads.   
Gina: For the last freaking time, it's NOT crack.  
Aaron: I'm gonna go start scene 2 now.  
Boy: (singing) It's the end of the scene as we know it. It's the end of the scene as we know it. It's the end of the scene as we know it, and I feel fine.........  
(scene ends with them acting like fools. Never mind, it's not acting.)  
Scene 2 (open in a well furnished condo room, not a bedroom; far away from our morons....there is a dark figure, cloaked in black robes and shadows with Luke)  
Figure: Welcome to my villa Luke.  
Luke: I guess I'm glad to be here. Those kids are so annoying.  
Figure: Luke, I want something from some of those friends. You will be welcome to stay here until I get it.  
Luke: A vacation would be nice. Those pubescent wackos are driving me insane.  
Figure: Short trip. I don't think you understand. You WILL stay here.   
Luke: (whining) No, this is the last thing I need. To be kidnapped by a figure in dark robes who stays in the shadows...aw man.  
Figure: Quit whining, pansy. Gina and Aaron have something I want. Stone, Msty, Boy, ...they all have something. And those others....  
Luke: You mean Pirho and Pyro Boy?  
Figure: Them; how long have you been with them?  
Luke: Too long. (sits down in nice leather chair) It's been quit hard for me to stay with them.  
Figure: The sadistic writer gives you a problem too?  
Luke: O yeah.  
Figure: Well, how'd you like to have some tea and chocolate biscuits?  
Luke: (puzzled) Chocolate biscuits? How long have you known Gina?  
Figure: We attend the same school together.  
Luke: You mean Hell with that fluorescent lighting?  
Figure: That's the place. Can I get you anything?  
Luke: No, I'm actually quite alright.  
Figure: O, okay. Well, it won't last. I will begin to torture you. Test your strength and endurance....(cue evil music) MWHAHAHAHAH!!  
Luke: You should work on that evil laugh.  
Figure: It's that bad?  
Luke: Yep.  
Figure: But I didn't cough like the Emperor.  
Luke: It's horrible.  
Figure: I had evil music.  
Luke: I'm not intimidated.  
Figure: But.....(cut off by pansy)  
Luke: It sucked. Really, it sucked a lot.  
Figure: What should I do?  
Luke: Well, throw your head back. Use your hands as claws. (demonstrates: looks like Mandark from Dexter's Lab.) And use "BWAHAHAHA" instead of "MWAHAHAHAH." Try it.  
Figure: Really?  
Luke: It sounds more aggressive.  
Figure: What about lighting?  
Luke: The room is dark. Very devilish. But you need some better shadows. (moves lamp a little bit) Much better.  
Figure: Can I laugh now.  
Luke: Needs something else. (pulls out some red-glowing contacts from his contact case) Use these.  
Figure: (puts them in and clears throat) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!! Better?  
Luke: Much. So good, in fact, that I soiled my rebel uniform.   
Figure: Thanks (pushes button on his desk) Lu-Anne, send in Mr. Skywalker a change of uniform. These people. They're so stupid. I can't work with them.  
Luke: She can still hear you. Your finger is on the button. (the figure releases the button)  
Figure: To prevent cussing: Look at that beaver DAM over there! (Luke is puzzled, again)  
Scene 3 (suddenly, in another part of the galaxy, Darth Vader wakes up in bed)  
Darth Vader: MOMMY!!! I HAD A BAD DWEAM!!!! (shakes it off) Now, what did I wake up for? (a lightbulb appears above his head. It is off. The bulb flickers for a while before staying off. Kayton and Whitney appear. Whitney is looking a fuse box. Kayton studies the lightbulb.)  
Kayton: Dang, rusty old model. (she "unscrews" the bulb and replaces it, about that time...)  
Whitney: Eureka! (replaces fuse in the fuse box and the lightbulb activates)  
Darth Vader: Thank you angels.  
Whitney: We aren't angels.  
Kayton: Yes we are. We're not being paid.  
Whitney: Give the writer a break.  
Darth Vader: Is this the same writer who threatened me?  
Girls: Yes.  
Darth Vader: I'll give her a break alright...a broken bone or 10! (girls glare) Sowwy.  
(girls leave) Now, two of my biggest enemies are on an isolated planet. If my memory serves me correctly, then their friends will rush off to get them. Maybe even Han and Leia. Probably not. Who cares about them anyways. Maybe a new moronic captain. This is too good to pass up. (gets out of bed and calls the emperor. He's in the middle of a facial)  
Emperor: What do you want?  
Darth Vader: What is on your face?  
Emperor: It's a facial. It's going to make me younger looking.  
Darth Vader: It'll take a lot of those.  
Emperor: Shut up Ani.  
Darth Vader: George says the audience isn't supposed to know about that.  
Emperor: They already do.   
Darth Vader: We're going to finally catch those annoying brats from the Big Dope....  
Scene 4 (rebel hangar)  
Kile: Now what were we supposed to do?  
Pirho: Beats me. (Gina and Msty being to beat Pirho up, kicking him, punching him...etc.) Ow, quit it. What's this for?  
Msty: He said, "Beat me."  
Gina: Happy to oblige. (Kicks him in the ribs)  
Stone: He said, "Beats me." (they stop)  
Msty: "Beats me," as in "I don't know?"  
Boy: (smiles and nods) I don't know!  
Pyro Boy: You never know, do you?  
Boy: I'm confused.  
Stone: Just like me.  
Gina: And me.  
Kile: You mean you don't know what's going on?  
Gina: Nope. I only act like I know what I'm doing.  
Pirho: You suck at acting.  
Msty: She never said she was any good.  
Pyro Boy: And she never will be. (Aaron appears)  
Aaron: Okay guys, according to this rough copy of a script, you need to be going that way....(he points a direction out to them)  
Boy: Bye Aaron! (the director leaves)  
Pyro Boy: These people scare me.  
Stone: We scare ourselves.  
Kile: I expect to the unexpected right about......now! (Shelle comes running up to them)  
Shelle: No body expects the Spanish Inquisition!  
Gina: A) That's the wrong movie. And 2) Only I'm allowed to make fun of my religion. At least, out of everyone here. (No offense to my fellow Catholics out there)  
Shelle: Sorry. Anyways, has anyone seen Weird Al?  
Kile: Wha?  
Pirho: Who?  
Pyro Boy: Why?  
Boy: Where am I?  
Gina: When will this be over?  
Msty: How soon can you kill me off?  
Stone: Would you people stop asking questions?  
Aaron: Al went that way. (points; then does a double take) AHHH!!!!! SHELLE!!!! (jumps into Msty's arms)  
Msty: I didn't know you cared. (sets him down)  
Aaron: Sorry, reflex.  
Gina: You need a vacation.  
Kile: He probably could have one if he wasn't your director.  
Pirho: Why is that again?   
Pyro Boy: He's smarter than the rest of them.  
Boy: That's not an amazing feat. (Aaron leaves; suddenly a really big kid walks up to them...it's Art)  
Art: Hi. I'm Art. I will be the pilot for this portion of the fanfic. There is to be no misbehaving. And I will be paid.  
Stone: (waves hand like Jedi) No you won't.  
Art: What? (glares) That Jedi thing doesn't work on me.  
Msty: We won't pay you. All we will do is to accept you into our circle of outcasts.  
Pirho: (grabs Gina) Run Art! Save yourself! It's too late for us! Get out while there's still time. (releases Gina) Just kidding.  
Kile: Yeah, it's way too late to save anyone here.  
Art: What the heck? (shrugs) Come on to the ship.  
Pyro Boy: Where are we going? (they all stop)  
Boy: Don't know. Neither does Gina. (suddenly, a girl with rose tinted glasses and flaming red eyes comes out.)  
Girl: The planet Fnu.   
Everyone else: Where?  
Girl: The planet Fnu. As in: Dyslexics have more Fnu.  
Art: Who are you?  
Girl: Me? I'm Reika. (she exits)  
Stone: Wow.  
Kile: We finally met Reika.  
Boy: And we're still alive.  
Pirho: WOO HOO!! (celebrates)  
Pyro Boy: Whatever.  
Gina: Reika is a brat.  
Reika: (offstage) I heard0 that!  
Kile: When Reika kills you, I want your stuff.  
Gina: Well, you can only have it if you all have a huge fistfight over my earthly possessions.  
Pirho: Okay.  
Msty: I'm taking your clothes.  
Pyro Boy: But I get one pair of tights for my new superhero outfit. I'm making a new one. Do you want to hear about it?  
Everyone else: NO!  
Gina: Normal man!  
Scene 5 (on Art's ship: the Purple Dawn of a Moonlit Galaxy)  
Pirho: Why is the ship's name so long?  
Art: Because the writer is sadistic.  
Kile: Amen to that.  
Msty: That girl freaks me out.  
Gina: Welcome to the club.  
Boy: Are we there yet?  
Art: If you say that one more time, your nose will be broken. Then I'll take away your right to be called a man. Are those terms clear? (boys all shudder)  
Boy: Yes sir...  
Stone: Always the violent type?  
Art: Yes.  
Pyro Boy: I see no problem with that.  
Gina: Me neither.  
Kile: No complaints here.  
Art: Fnu...what planet are we really going to? (all look confused)  
Gina: Um...Fnu is more commonly known as Trobalexicjex.   
Everyone else: Huh?  
Gina: Coordinates: 6-24-86.  
Kile: How do you know so much about remote planets?  
Msty: She has to know these things.  
Pirho: Why?  
Boy: Because the rest of us are morons.  
Pyro Boy: No argument there.  
Stone: Gina knew because she read the script.  
Art, Boy, and Pirho: What's a script?  
Kile: Never mind.  
Art: Not to interrupt any well made plans (others stifle laughs), but what are you gonna do when we get there?  
Boy: Well, Gina will sneak in through the east side; Kile on the west. The others of us will lead a full attack on the front as a diversion.  
Pyro Boy: How come he gets the smart scene?  
Msty: And will you honestly trust his plan?  
Stone: When do I get to hit someone with a rock?  
Pirho: Isn't an attack on the front dangerous?  
Art: (to Pyro Boy) Because he's special.  
Kile: (to Msty) It's better than Gina's plan of getting captured, then escaping.  
Gina: (to Stone) If you're lucky, Scene 8.  
Boy: (to Pirho) Very dangerous, but I live for danger.  
Art: One more question.  
Pyro Boy: Screw it.  
Kile: This sucks.  
Boy: I must have died and gone to Hell. (Aaron appears)  
Aaron: Those three lines have ruined my G rating. (he sobs) My Oscar......  
Msty: His what?  
Gina: Aaron, this isn't Disney. This is MK-nian.  
Pirho: He wants an Oscar for this crud? (Aaron nods and leaves, his feelings are hurt)  
Pyro Boy: Why are you so mean to everyone?  
Pirho: Because I can be...(he smiles)  
Gina: You suck.  
Art: Moving on...if all of you people die, do I still get paid?  
Stone: You won't be paid even if we ALL survive.  
Pirho: Welcome to my world, Arty.  
Art: Don't call me that.  
Pirho: Why?  
Art: I bet you're gay...  
Pirho: I'm gonna burn the writer for this.... (now we flip to the other end of the story: Luke and the Figure in black are still in that large condo room; they're playing chess.)   
Luke: Checkmate. I won again.  
Figure: This is a pansy game.  
Luke: Well, I'm a pansy. What did you expect?  
Figure: I'm a pansy too. But I always win.  
Luke: Obviously not. Aren't you supposed to be torturing me or something?  
Figure: That's right. (takes out a cattle prod and pokes Luke)  
Luke: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Ouchies. Why'd you do that?  
Figure: Because I could.  
Luke: You didn't hafta do that.  
Figure: What kind of evil minion would I be if your torturing didn't hurt?  
Luke: It'd be a rather nice experience.  
Figure: I want to seem threatening when Gina and Aaron get here...  
Luke: It's not ALL their fault.  
Figure: Yes it is. Everything is.  
Luke: The Jedi Purge too? It can't be.  
Figure: Gina and Aaron time travel through fanfics. They told Darthy to do it. They made Anakin go evil.  
Luke: You're insane.  
Figure: No. I'm normal. The entire world is out to get me...they are all insane. Not me. Them....  
Luke: Christ!! I'm dealing with a nut case.  
Scene 6 (landing bay on the planet Fnu)  
Art: Welcome to this planet. I seem to have forgotten the name. O right, Fnu. Watch your step as you exit the ship. Please enjoy your stay on the planet Fnu. Remember to go to Customs on your way back to this ship. We don't want to bring any foreign morons on board.  
Stone: We kinda have to.  
Pirho: What do you think Pyro Boy and Boy are?  
Boy: You hurt my feelings.....*sniffle*   
Pyro Boy: I thought we were closer than that?  
Gina: Is there a reason all of these lines sound familiar?  
Msty: I don't know. (Suddenly, 2 girls run up to them Traci and Alana of the Wild Magick)  
Traci: The irony is out to get you!  
Alana: Run away!!! (they run offstage.)  
Stone: That was weird.  
Kile: Definatley.  
Boy: (looking a big rock) Ooooo, shiny rock......  
Stone: (taking it) I'll take that for Scene 8.  
Pyro Boy: Holy crow, Batman! I forgot what I was going to say.  
Kile: Msty, you and me should leave these morons here.  
Msty: In your dreams, Bilbo Baggins.  
Kile: At least I had other acting jobs! None of you have! So there!  
Gina: (looking hurt) Mom says we're not supposed to talk about that.   
Kile: I'm sorry. You know I love you.  
Art: Whatever. You are all way to weird for me. (Gina and Kile sneak in; the others charge the front of the condo and are immediately captured by the Condo Security guards. They are taken to the room where Luke is drinking a frappuchino and the Figure sits watching TV)  
Luke: Hi guys.  
Msty: Here I am, drug halfway across the galaxy to save you...and you're in the lap of luxury. In the middle of a kidnapping nonetheless. Oy vay.  
Luke: Well, actually...I wasn't kidnapped. I wound up on this planet by accident and didn't want to leave. That figure over there is only annoying. I could've taken him and come home at any time.  
Pirho: Why didn't you?  
Luke: I wanted to have a vacation from you guys.  
Art: This job sucks.  
Stone: I have a rock.  
Pirho: (to Pyro Boy) I still say we leave these people. (Pyro Boy shrugs)  
Boy: FRAPPUCHINO!!! (tackles Luke and finishes the drink)  
Figure: Where are Aaron and Gina??!?!?!?!?!?  
Msty: I dunno.  
Pyro Boy: I don't care.  
Stone: Aaron is directing from a safe distance. I imagine he won't come anywhere near these scene.  
Boy: Gina and Kile are sneaking in.  
Luke: This is just a hunch, but I don't think we're supposed to tell him that.  
Art: (noticing the guy in the shadows for the first time {he's a genius, ain't he?}) Great. We got our very own bona-fide demented world domination psycho who wants to kill Gina.  
Pirho: That describes me, but what about our new friend there in black? (Art shakes his head)  
Figure: No matter. Gina is coming. I must have revenge against her. She defaced my name, and she knows I'm smarter than her. I'll win. Good guys are dumb.  
Msty: Gina?? A good guy??? Hardly. (starts laughing uncontrollably)  
Pyro Boy: She's more like a mediocre tomboy.  
Boy: Did someone say my name? (suddenly Kile pops out of a ventilation shaft and does a kung fu pose)  
Kile: Don't nobody move! I'm here, and we're gonna hurt some queers...  
Luke and Pirho: I'M NOT GAY!!  
Pirho: Heh....reflex.  
Msty: O MY GOD!!! I just figured out who you are!  
Kile: You've always known us. Luke and Art too.  
Figure: She means me. So, who am I?  
Msty: I've seen way to many Bond movies to reveal all of my secrets.  
Boy: She has a point.  
Stone: A very blunt point.  
Art: Throw your rock, Stone. See what it does.  
Stone: Not yet.  
Pyro Boy: Why don't you have any real stormtroopers? I mean, Condo security guards brought us in....  
Figure: Can't afford stormtroopers.  
Everyone else: Ahh....  
Scene 7  
(Darthy and Emperor are in a ship, going to the planet Trobalexicjex)  
Emperor: Why are we doing this again?  
Darth Vader: I woke up and had a sudden epiphany of an enemy weakness.  
Emperor: You're cheesed off because they killed Darth Meister, aren't you?  
Darth Vader: Yep, but I'll get them back. I'll have revenge.  
Emperor: I sense a semi Force sensitive thingy with them. It's a very pathetic life form. What is it?  
Darth Vader: Jesus! I hope Jar-Jar is dead.  
Emperor: God! Could he be back?  
Darth Vader: I hope not. That's the last thing I wanna deal with. Now I remember why I joined the dark side. I wanted to be a Sith so I could kill Jar-Jar.  
Emperor: Really? It wasn't the promise of power and might?  
Darth Vader: I just wanted Jar-Jar to shut up. I wanted to break his little neck. Of all of my memories, he is the most painful. Not even the death of Qui-Gon hurt me that bad.  
Emperor: No matter. We will kill whatever it is.  
Darth Vader: Do you honestly have to be so sadistic?  
Emperor: Come off it. Don't you remember Villain Code #1?  
Darth Vader: Um...always wear clean underwear?  
Emperor: That's # 2.   
Darth Vader: O yea! Violence IS the answer.  
Emperor: Very good. I hope there's a Taco Bell on this planet. I'm hungry.  
Darth Vader: What planet is it again? (offstage)  
Reika: It's on Trobalexicjex, 6-24-86! Torture those pansies good!!  
Emperor: Now THAT'S sadistic.  
Darth Vader: That girl frightens me.  
Emperor: I don't think she's human.  
Darth Vader: I know she's not.  
Emperor: She's a hybrid. Half human, half alien.  
Darth Vader: Poor parents. I bet it's not alien, I bet it's demon.  
Emperor: I hate to say it, but she could be Sith spawn.  
Darth Vader: CRUD! I don't want her to have anything in common with us. That's scary.  
Emperor: She could be one of us.... (Darth Vader goes into obscenities that cannot be put into a PG-13 fanfic. And this rant goes far beyond R rating...I didn't even know those words existed....Jesus! Cool it Darthy, you'll bust a vein or something)  
Emperor: (shocked) Feel better now?   
Darth Vader: No. (he goes off into a new rant in Hutenese, this lasts about 5 minutes) I feel a little bit better. And the only restaurants on this planet are Mickey-D's and an Italian place.  
Emperor: I vote Italian. Less aliens there.  
Darth Vader: And the grease from fast food wreaks havoc on my respirator.   
Emperor: That sucks.   
Darth Vader: So does flossing.  
Scene 8 (Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! This is quite possibly the last Big Dope scene ever. Thank God. These late night writings are killing me. We're still at the figure's place. And we still don't know who it is, most of us don't know)  
Kile: What in the Force is keeping Gina?!?!?  
Luke: Ewoks?  
Stone: Midgets?  
Msty: A library?  
Boy: A what?  
Pirho: A place with books.  
Boy: Books are scary.  
Pyro Boy: Yep.  
Figure: She'd better be here. I paid a lot for this evil hideout.   
Pyro Boy: It's very nice.  
Pirho: Would you recommend it to someone like me?  
Boy: Does this complex allow pets?  
Figure: (to Pyro Boy) Thanks. (to Pirho) No, I have neighbor issues. (to Boy) No. I wanted to have a ferret here, but the manager nearly had a heart attack when I asked.  
(suddenly, sounds float up to the room....a broom hitting the ceiling below and muffled screaming)  
Voice: Keep it down up there!  
Figure: Bite me! ( starts to stomp foot)  
Voice: Don't make me come up there!  
Figure: Screw you!  
Voice: I'll call the cops!  
Figure: I hope you choke on the phone cord. (silence) There, that shut him up. (kids look dumbfounded)  
Boy: Whatever. (suddenly, there's a knock at the door) It's the coppers!  
Luke: I'll get it. (he opens the door) Hey Gina. Come in.  
Gina: Not yet. I had to figure out what room you were in. Now that I know, I can charge in with my own dramatic.....my own.....what's the word I'm looking for?  
Kile and Stone: Idiom, sire?  
Gina: Yes. Thank you. Now back away from the door. (she charges in there, trips, then stands back up) Okay, guys...you leave...I'll cover your exit.  
Figure: Hello Gina. I AM SMARTER THAN YOU!!! YOU WILL ONLY MAKE B's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Gina: Jesus Christ! Chadwick! What in God's name are you doing here?  
Everyone else but Msty: *gasp* Chadwick?  
Msty: See, I knew it!  
Chadwick: Not just Chadwick. I am Darth Chadwick! (throws off cloak to reveal a bad face-painting job. It is supposed to look like Darth Maul....it doesn't) I am a Sith! (bum bum bum)  
Pyro Boy: What are you talking about?  
Pirho: What the heck are you smoking?  
Msty: And why aren't you sharing??  
Boy: I want some!!  
Art: Who the bloody heck are you?  
Kile: Why did you change your name? Is that legal?  
Stone: I wanna sign up for Sith school...(Msty smacks him)  
Gina: (rolling on the floor, laughing incredibly hard) For Christ-sakes! Chadwick, you are a freaking pansy! Darth Vader and Emperor wouldn't let you be a Sith to save their lives! (laughs, stands up and giggles madly)  
Chadwick: You may laugh. But I am smarter than you....your bridge project only held 30 pounds! How pathetic! You suck!!  
Pirho: How would you know?  
Chadwick: I have math with her, that's how I know about her project.  
Pirho: How do you know she sucks? (Aaron appears)  
Aaron: Christ! That's disgusting. Not only is Chadwick the most revolting being alive; that implies that Gina....o my God. My rating.....(he sighs and leaves)  
Art: I think I'm gonna hurl now.  
Msty: Don't hurl on me....  
Pyro Boy: That guy has problems....  
Stone: Aaron? He is trapped in a world from which there is no escape. Surrounded by morons.  
Art: As are the rest of us.  
Boy: But we're all morons. I don't get it....(suddenly Chadwick's date book falls off of his desk)  
Msty: Let's look in the date book!  
Pyro Boy: And change things....  
Pirho: I feel horrible doing this.  
Chadwick: Then stop.  
Pirho: I don't feel that bad. Move your hand Boy, I can't see.  
Boy: Sorry.  
Kile: Hey look. "Talk to President Bush about allowing public lynching" 2 o'clock, Sunday.   
Gina: You really need a hobby, sissy.  
Chadwick: Don't call me that. I'm a Sith lord. (Darth Vader and the Emperor walk in)  
Darth Vader: Says who?  
Emperor: I don't recall granting any titles to you....  
Chadwick: I didn't know there were rules to this.  
Darth Vader: Of course not. You're a moron.  
Emperor: The big rule is: You have to be evil.  
Darth Vader: I thought that was "violence is the answer."  
Chadwick: I can be evil. Gina! (she looks over at him) You are stupid. I will always be smarter than you. You will fail...I'm better than you at everything...(he bursts into flames as Pirho douses him with a flame thrower)  
Pirho: No one likes you. Not even Old Betsy here. (pats gun) Sorry, reflex.  
Pyro Boy: It's about time someone played with fire.  
Boy: Oooooo, fire pretty. (all stare with eyes glazed over at a flaming, dying Chadwick)  
Stone: (kisses rock) Fly true, faithful one. (lobs at Chadwick and hits him in the head...Chadwick dies)  
Darth Vader: And now, the Emperor and I will kill you. You won't get away again.  
Gina: I hate it when they say that.  
Emperor: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Sorry, missed my place. NI!!  
Msty: He just said "ni" didn't he?  
Art: Wrong movie, moron.  
Kile: Did you say something important?  
Stone: (whining) Shut up....you're taking away from the fire.....  
Gina: On the count of "run," we're gonna dash to the ship. Okay? (they all tense)   
Emperor: What?  
Darth Vader: How?  
Gina: Wait for it....RUN!!! (they all run like heck to the ship...Pirho sticks his head back in the door)  
Pirho: (British accent like from Weakest Link) Good-Bye!  
Emperor: Bloody heck! We lost them again!  
Darth Vader: It's not fair! It's not bloody fair!!!  
Emperor: Quit whining.  
(on ship)  
Art: Making the jump to hyper-active speed....(ok, screw the ride back to the rebel base....they wind up back where they started)  
Han: It's about darn time.  
Leia: Well, yes. Considering we have had hard labor for the pansy to do...you took way too long.  
Luke: You don't care that I'm back safely?  
Han: Heck no.  
Pirho: I killed the sissy. (smiles)  
Leia: Chadwick?!?!?  
Kile: He earned it.  
Msty: He'll be back.  
Boy: Sadistic writer!  
Pyro Boy: I feel sorry for Aaron.  
Stone: My part is over, can I go on a 50-mile hike now?  
Gina: Whatever. I don't feel sorry for Aaron. Chadwick's ferocious taunting was meant for the both of us. He abandoned me. (Aaron appears, with an Oscar)  
Aaron: I did it! I won "the Best Director of a Pointless Fanfic Oscar"!!! I won!! YIPPEE!!!!   
Pirho: All right! Aaron actually won something.  
Boy: I'm more amazed at the fact that it's THIS fanfic he got the Oscar for....  
Kile: Fascinating.   
Msty: Unbelievable.  
Gina: It's not that bad.  
Luke: Keep lying to yourself.  
  
THE END  
Or is it?  
  
  
The Last Words....  
  
  
Gina: Screw you Chadwick. Not literally.  
Kile: TO ME MY FURRY FRIENDS!!!! (ewoks pop out, start celebrating)  
Msty: Why God? Why can't I get a guy?  
Stone: Look! The rodent thingy from scene 1 of the "The Big Dope!" (throws another rock) I hit it!! 10 points!  
Pirho: Burn baby! Burn!  
Pyro Boy: Once again, the day is saved...thanks to the PowerPuff Girls!! Or...us....  
Art: Why did I do this?  
Aaron: It is done. And I got a Oscar!!!  
Shelle: I didn't die!  
AntiChrist: I'm not taking Chadwick. He'll try to take over.  
Boy: I am the Big Dope. And I have returned!!!!  
  
  
The spoof will never end...May the spoof be with you...  
  
Next to come: The Phantom Moron  
  
Thank you for reading this. I hope you enjoyed it. Please feel free to review me and tell me how bad it was.....  
  
  
Cast:  
  
  
Cast: (in no particular order)  
Gina: MK  
Kile: Martin  
Msty: Marie  
Stone: Andrew  
Boy: Michael   
Aaron: Eric  
Pirho: Chris  
Pyro Boy: Brandon  
Art: Glenn  
Chadwick: Scum of the earth.  
Shelle: Michelle  
Luke: Pansy  
Han: Himself  
Leia: Herself  
Whitney: Herself  
Kayton: Herself  
Adam the AntiChrist: Adam the AntiChrist  
Darth Vader: Guy in black suit  
Emperor: A corpse  



End file.
